purify the sin inside me
by iAnneart
Summary: "I don't think my Father intended for us angels to have soulmates, much less archangels. But I've always been wired differently. I've always had the problem of feeling too much of everything. Of love, sadness. Anger."
_Lucifer?_

...

 _Are you there?_

 **Hi Sam.**

 _…Where have you been? I haven't heard from you in weeks._

 **Missed me?**

 _No. No, don't be ridiculous. It's just, you not being here- it makes me nervous. Makes me think that you're off somewhere murdering babies for fun or something._

 **You do remember I'm only in your head, right?**

 _…_

 **Disappointed? Strange. It's like you want me to be around for real this time. And I have to disagree on your idea of what I believe is fun. Do you actually think I get pleasure from killing anyone?,**

 _…Well, you did seem to particularly enjoy torturing me in the cage. Or at least liked it enough to keep doing it more most of the 18,596 years I was down there._

 **Hey now, that's not fair. You gotta understand I was very angry when you threw yourself inside the cage, along with ME and Michael in it.** **You spoiled my grand finale, and you had to pay for that.**

 _Yeah, sorry for totally ruining your plan of destroying all humanity. How rude of me._

 **You wouldn't have been destroyed, Sam. We would be together, joined in bliss at the peacefulness that is the universe without humans.**

 _Are you going to start with your 'I despise humans' thing again? Lucifer, I've heard it over a million times already-_

 **You remember how Earth was before all your species came along. Something magical. My Father's most beautiful creation was nature itself. So powerful and unpredictable. Calming yet brutal. A thorny, ruthless type of beauty you can't stop admiring.**

 _…I know. You've showed me the surface of the Earth before we were created._

 **See? You make it sound like the entire time of the cage was bad. I didn't just punish you. I also gave you the chance to see God's greatest masterpiece. Untouched by humans, pure and whole. Didn't you like that?**

 _It was beautiful, yes. I can't deny that._

 **I needed to make you understand my point of view, Sam. This planet radiated Light before you. Now, the Earth is corrupted. Tainted.**

 _…_

 **You know I used to be in charge of God's light? It's why my Father named me what I am. Lucifer means light-bringer. Many people, including you, already know that.**

 _Yeah._

 **But did you also know I was the angel of music as well? I used to sing the highest praises to my Father. I lead the other angels' songs of worship as well. Including Michael's and my other siblings'. It was my highest calling, the gift of song and music, apart from being the giver of light.**

 _I…No. I didn't._

 **Course you did. I am not real, Sam. If I am telling you something, it's coming from your memories and thoughts.**

 _You act like if I don't know that. No need to be so snarky._

 **Then why say you don't know when you do?**

 _Subconscious, I guess? Maybe I don't know that I once knew and I'm barely piecing it together._

 **Hmmm.**

 _You used to sing, didn't you? I-In the cage. The rare times you were tired of…using me._

 **I did.**

 _And hearing you sing so beautifully, maybe my inner mind assumed you'd be in charge of music. I dunno, it made sense to me. I know Cas is the angel of Thursday. You have to be the angel of something too._

 **That's a pretty big assumption just from hearing me sing a couple of times.**

 _It's not just that. It's the way you sang with such conviction and passion which clued me in. Your old vessel's voice is pleasant, a human talented in singing. But your true voice is…unexplainable._

 **Care to explain the unexplainable?**

 _I can try but it won't be enough. It will never be enough. It's like...everything and everyone that has ever been good, pure, and light in the entire universe all combined into one._

 _It's warmth and divinity. Paradise. I not only heard it but saw it. Tasted it. I felt enveloped by it. It made me feel at peace. It made me feel…too many different things at once. I can't begin to explain it. There are no sufficient words._

 **Maybe I can help in the details. How about purifying to the soul?**

 _Now that you mention it, yeah. I guess so. Like a slate wiped clean._

 **Did it also feel like you want to praise God until your lungs exploded from exertion, but yet you'd still be blissfully happy?**

 _I can honestly say it did sort of feel like that. Which is weird because God is not on my top faves as of the moment_.

 **How about pure, unadulterated love?**

 _...I'm going to sleep now. I'm tired._

 **So? You know I just follow you to your dreams anyway. Answer my question.**

 _Leave me alone, Lucifer._

.

.

 **You used to beg me to sing, do you remember that?**

 _….Yeah. Because if you sang you didn't try to hurt me. You didn't attempt to violate me._

 **Do you also remember that you used to cling to my arms every time I did?**

 _Good_ night _, Lucifer_.

 **One last question, and I'm done, I swear.**

 _Well, I don't think I have a choice in the manner anyways, so fine. Shoot._

 **Do you believe in soulmates?**

 _I do._

 **Do you think you've met your soulmate already?**

 _…Yeah, I have._

 **I think I also met my soulmate as well. I don't think my Father intended for us angels to have that, much less archangels. But I've always been wired differently. I've always had the problem of feeling too much of everything. Of love, sadness. Anger.**

 _I believe God made you just as you are._

 **Do you want to know who my soulmate is, Sam?**

 _You said one more question. It's been three. I'm going to sleep, Lucifer._

 **You sure you don't want to know? It's not a secret. In fact, I think you already know-**

 _GOOD BYE, Lucifer._

 **…Bye, Sammy. See you in your dreams.**

.

.

Sam dreamt of beautiful singing and warm strong hands holding him as the oceans and an angelic voice purified his tainted blood.


End file.
